


Centre of Your Own Universe

by gryffindorsqueen



Category: The Borgias (2011)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family, Post-Canon, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2330054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindorsqueen/pseuds/gryffindorsqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vannozza's first thought was not "How did this happen?" or "How can I stop it?" but simply - "How did I not see this before?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Centre of Your Own Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Watching the series, I always wanted to see what Vannozza's reaction would have been to finding out about her children's relationship. You kinda think that surely she knew, deep down, but I would have loved to have seen her get the facts.
> 
> So, yeah - that's what this is, basically! I'm considering writing some more Borgiacest, maybe even some modern AU stuff if this goes down well.
> 
> Anyway, onward!

It was nearly a month after sweet Alfonso had been lowered into the cold ground and Lucreiza's mood, though sometimes unpredictable, was brightening.

Today, Vannozza was content to spend the day in her villa, eating in the sun and playing with little Giovanni. Lucrezia was somewhere inside and she had not dared to disturb her. Her sleep was sporadic and Vannozza quickly realised that it was best to just let her daughter rest when she could. 

Cesare had returned the evening before, clad in black leathers, as was his want of late. Vannozza was happy to see her son, not just because she missed his company, but because she longed to see the smile that would light up Lucrezia's face when she saw him. 

But it didn't happen. 

Instead, she looked almost nervous to see him. 

"Brother," she had greeted with a stilted tongue. 

Cesare had hesitated before coming to sit at the table. They talked while they ate. Or rather, Vannozza talked to her daughter and to her son, without either of them speaking to each other. _'Never before has this happened,'_ she thought as they stole glances at one another. _'They always have something to say. Since they learned to speak, they have been speaking with each other.'_  

She said nothing on the subject, however. They would have words themselves, she knew. Words that they would speak in private, about secrets she would probably never know. There was something comforting about that; they had always had their little secrets. She remembered them as children, making up hand signals so they could talk even when they weren't supposed to. She remembered how they both used to skip off - hand in hand - to a den only they knew (even though Juan had begged to be let in.)

They had definitely spoken after dinner, Vannozza thought as she watched little Giovanni totter in the grass. The tension had lessened when she woke this morning and they had eaten breakfast together. Their conversation was still not flowing like it should, but the air felt fresh as she talked with Lucrezia about a new dressmakers while Cesare bounced Giovanni on his knee, laughing.

For moment, if she closed her eyes, she could pretend they were all still living there. Together and happy. Bickering sometimes, yes, but happy. Rodrigo would sit at the head of the table, ruffling Gioffre's hair and clasping her hand on the table. Cesare and Lucrezia would sit next to each other, as they liked to do, and would laugh as one when Juan tumbled in, looking tired but satisfied.

Giovanni's chortle brought her back. She smiled at her grandson before standing and beckoning the maid to put him down for his midday nap. She retreated into the house, considering a light nap herself, when she heard the deep rumble of Cesare's voice and Lucrezia's light, sweet reply.

She should let them be, but decades with Rodrigo had taught her that if you didn't eavesdrop, you'd never know all the facts. And Vannozza was tired of being left in the dark.

So she walked the corridor silently and stopped outside Lucrezia's bed chamber. Mercifully, the door was cracked open slightly and she could peer into the room quite easily without being seen. Cesare was led on his back against the pillows as though it was his own bed, holding a book with his right hand. The other arm was wrapped around Lucrezia's waist where she lay against him, her head tucked against the crook of his neck. It appeared they were both reading the book at once and occasionally one of them would read a line out loud.

And with that, she knew there was no need to watch anymore. They were reading quietly, doing nothing particularly unusual or interesting.

Yet she did not move.

 _'There is something wrong,'_ she thought, a sudden chill enveloping her.

Her wide, dark eyes examined the scene again. _'They are just as close as they have always been. There is nothing new here.'_

Then Cesare's hand moved from her waist. He began trailing his fingertips up and down Lucrezia's back and she sighed contentedly, nuzzling her head against his neck.

 _'He is comforting her,'_ she thought quickly. _'She has always found people stroking her back soothing.'_

But she still didn't move. She watched as Lucrezia nudged his chin with her nose and Cesare, seemingly knowing her want without words, pressed a long kiss onto her forehead. She settled back down after, resting her head against his chest as her fingers idly played with his shirt front. She shifted and Vannozza's eyes were drawn down to where Cesare's knee was bent up between her legs; Lucrezia's own legs straddling his.

 _'This could be Rodrigo and I.'_ She realised, her heart pounding. _'When we were not much older than them. We had this same closeness, this intimacy, this...this...'_

And suddenly, everything slotted so perfectly and painfully into place.

The fact that Lucrezia had been married twice and that both husbands were dead; that Cesare's wife remained in France alone while he reclined on his sister's bed, holding her like a lover. The fact that Cesare never looked scared until Lucrezia was in danger; that Lucrezia's mood changed when he was gone and did not fully return to brightness until he was with her again.

_My God._

_'I could be wrong.'_ She thought, breathlessly desperate. _'They have always been so close after all. I could be wrong.'_

But by the drying of her throat and the cold gripping her tongue, she thought not.

 _'How did I not see this before?'_ She thought, stepping back. _'They are my children. How did I not know?"_

Because their cover was so perfect. They had been close all their lives, so who was to notice when they finally crossed the line?

She sickened now to think of the way they had all cooed over them when they were children. Her friends, her family...especially she and Rodrigo. They used to talk about how sweet they were - two children endlessly clutching each other's hands and wailing when they were pulled apart.

 _'Should I have known then? I should have separated them, sent one away even.'_ But deep down she knew it wouldn't have made any difference. They were Cesare and Lucrezia - nothing could ever come between them. Not Giovanni, not she or Rodrigo, not Juan, not her husbands or his wife.

Lucrezia laughed suddenly and Vannozza was startled out of her chilling revelation. Cesare was smiling, his fingers now playing with the ends of her hair as she giggled into his chest. Vannozza's joy at Lucrezia's lighter mood was quickly smothered by her poisonous thoughts.

She stepped back from the door and made her way to her own chambers.

_'My mind could be running away with me. There is no proof.'_

She closed the doors and sat down on her bed, sighing.

_'Rest. Then think on it again.'_

 

* * *

 

 

She spent the evening meal watching their movements, checking for any secret looks between them. There were plenty but, again, they had always been that way. Never had their easy, affectionate relationship been so frustrating to Vannozza.

The food could have been anything, for she found no taste within it. She had woken with her fears still crawling and her heart still pounding. But now she wondered if she was just imagining it. All the stress that had been about them lately, it would be no strange thing for her sense to be skewed. She was just about to dismiss it, to try and push it out of her mind, when they shared another look across the table.

_There._

There was something in those gazes that wasn't typical; an unfamiliar glimmer that made her shudder. She placed down her cutlery calmly, took a sip of her wine and asked, before she could stop herself,

"How long?"

Lucrezia frowned, then smiled and fixed her with a quizzical look. "'How long', what mother?"

"How long have you two been sharing a bed?"

She expected the clatter of a plate, the smash of a goblet on the floor, a double cry of horror. Instead, a silence descended upon them, so thick it felt suffocating.

Then Cesare snorted, shaking his head. "Mother, I have no idea - "

"Don't." She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight shut. "Do not lie to me. You are my children, I know when you are lying."

"We are not sharing a bed mother." Lucrezia answered with alarming clarity. "But...yes. We have."

Vannozza's eyes opened again, a wave of nausea threatening to take hold. _'It is true then. Of course it is. How could it not be?'_ Cesare pushed his chair away from the table and began pacing back and fore in front of the fire. While Lucrezia looked eerily calm, he was suddenly pale and wide-eyed. When she felt like she had taken enough deep breaths, she continued.

"When?"

Cesare stilled and looked over to Lucrezia. Her eyes dropped to her mother's dinner plate. "My...my wedding night."

Vannozza clapped her hand over her mouth, bile rising in her throat. _'Merciful God, please forgive them. Please forgive me.'_

She was quiet for a long time. Long enough for Lucrezia to truly look uncomfortable and for Cesare to stop by the fire and lean against it, his jaw clenched.

"It was once?"

"Yes." Cesare answered and his tone, full of biting disappointment, was not lost on her.

She eyed both of them. "And it will not happen again?"

There was a beat of silence. Too long.

"No." They both said as one.

"Liars."

Lucrezia's face burned. "We have not - "

"I saw you two today. Reading on Lucrezia's bed."

They were both apparently confused.

"So?"

She stared at them. "You see? You think that is normal! You think that is not intimate!" At the mention of the word, they both squirmed. She lowered her voice again, not wanting any of the staff to hear. "You have to stop! The closeness, the whispering, the secrets...it's not natural!"

Cesare almost snarled but bit it back and nodded. Lucrezia, whose eyes were filled with tears, took another glare from her mother before she nodded too. She sniffled, wiping her eyes, and Vannozza saw Cesare go to comfort her, only to pull back and turn to the fire again, his fingers gripping the stone like a vice.

 _'They will not stop.'_ Vannozza realised. _'They think they will, but they won't. They cannot. And even if they did, what then? Surely then they would no longer be Lucrezia and Cesare.'_ She almost wept at the thought. _'And then I will have lost three children.'_

"No." It was neither of her children who said it, but her.

Cesare glanced over his shoulder in surprise and Lucrezia's gaze whipped up from her hands. "Mother?"

Vannozza sighed. Somehow, at some point, her horror had slipped away. All that remained now was hollow acceptance. _'This is just how they are. They are my children and I want them happy. Before anything else, I want them to be happy.'_

"It is not practical to ask you to stop. Because you will not." They were hanging on her every word. "If you cannot promise that, then you can promise me that you will be careful."

Cesare stared at her as though she was a stranger. "Mother...you - you cannot be giving us your blessing - "

She let out a long, loud laugh that held no amusement. "No, I am not. But I know that there is no sense in trying to stop you." She smiled then, genuinely. "I remember when you were children, you would both cry and cry whenever it was time for bed. The thought of spending all those hours apart used to fill your little hearts with such dread. I kept telling you both, 'You will see each other in the morning' but it never worked." Her smiled faded. "I should have known then."

"You could not have." Cesare shook his head. "This is not your fault mother. We - "

"No." Vannozza cut across him again. "It is not your fault, either. You were born like this, both of you." More tears fell down Lucrezia's soft face and this time, Cesare did comfort her. He placed a large hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. She watched as Lucrezia reached up and wound her fingers through her brothers'. Vannozza waited to feel some measure of sickness but it never came. It was just them; Lucrezia and Cesare, as they have always been. "Just tell me you will be careful. If anyone else were to catch you, were to realise..."

"They won't." Cesare said firmly as Lucrezia nodded. "I promise, mother. Whatever happens, we _will_ be careful."

There was another long pause where Vannozza took in the sight of her children holding hands. _'Nothing new.'_

Then Lucrezia spoke. "Are you going to tell father?"

"Goodness, no! Do you think I have lost my mind?"

 _'God knows what Rodrigo would do if he knew.'_ She didn't know what idea was worse - that he would send them away or that he would shrug and do nothing.

Vannozza had nothing else to say, not yet at least. There may come a day - tomorrow, a week, months - when she would need to know more but right then, she was content to just send them off to bed. Their own beds this time. She almost expected there to be crying and wailing as though they were children again, but they both sloped off to their rooms without protest.

She walked into her room and wondered why she only felt guilt. Guilt at not feeling anything else. Disgust and horror had faded away and now it felt as though nothing had changed at all.

She closed her eyes. _'Nothing has changed. My children are the same as always.'_

After all, it was true.


End file.
